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April 2023

Brewer Wants Out, Stashes Five Golden Tickets in Succession Search
DETROIT, MI—A local craft brewer has announced a bold exit strategy: he's hiding a golden ticket in five random beer cans to find a successor willing to…
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Ryan Salsman
Coffeehouse Claims to Pioneer "Fifth Wave" Coffee, Whatever That Means
AUSTIN, TX—Move over third and fourth waves of coffee, there’s a new wave in town.
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Ryan Salsman
Husband and Wife Sue Brewery, Claim Inattentive Parenting a Protected Class
WOODFIN, NC—A husband and wife have filed a lawsuit against a local brewery claiming they faced discrimination due to their inattentive parenting.
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Ryan Salsman
Craft Brewery Announces Revolutionary Collab with Ghost of Benjamin Franklin
PHILADELPHIA, PA—A local brewery claims to have brewed their latest beer in collaboration with the ghost of Benjamin Franklin, dubbing it…
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Ryan Salsman
Barista Faces Anger Management Following Patron's Incessant Mispronunciation of "Cortado"
BROOKLYN, NY—In a bizarre turn of events, a local barista is being forced to complete an anger management course in response to his outbursts regarding…
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Ryan Salsman
1

March 2023

Local Woman Astonishes Loved Ones By Calling Craft Beer Drinking Her "Hobby"
ALBANY, NY—In a move that’s left her family and friends astonished, local woman Ashleigh Hudson has declared that she considers drinking craft beer her…
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Ryan Salsman
Winery Sues Local Cat Lady For Infringing On Their Wine's Aroma
TOPPENISH, WA—Wampus Hill, a winery in the Rattlesnake Hills region, is taking legal action against a local cat lady, claiming her odor is infringing on…
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Ryan Salsman
Craft Brewer Develops Beer Indistinguishable From Water
SOLANA BEACH, CA—In an effort to position themselves at the apex of the healthy beer craze, a brewery in southern California has crafted a beer they…
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Ryan Salsman

February 2023

Brewery Introduces Beer That Cures All Ailments Except Regret
BURLINGTON, VT—A local brewery announced the launch of a new beer on Sunday, Panacea Pilsner, which they claim cures any ailment, disease, or malady…
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Ryan Salsman
Craft Brewer Introduces New "Farm-to-Pint" Beer, Made With 100% Authentic Sweat And Tears
TEMPE, AZ—A local craft brewery is making waves in the beer world with its latest offering: a "farm-to-pint" ale made with 100% authentic sweat and…
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Ryan Salsman
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Expecting Restaurants To Stock It, Man Continues to Order Busch Light
NEW PRAGUE, MN—Frustrated by years of embarrassment, friends and family of Taylor Sheer, 32, reported Tuesday that he attempts ordering the same light…
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Ryan Salsman
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