Study Finds People Exiting Coffee Shop the Most Annoying on the Planet
BERKELEY, CA–Researchers have found that people exiting the coffee shop are the most annoying on the planet. "Looking at them leaves me irritated and—frankly—a little pissed off. After an extensive study it appears I'm right," said Richard Feldmann, co-author of the study and professor of Economics at the University of California Berkeley.
"The ones with the massive sunglasses get me the most, their little hair flip when putting them on and that indignant scowl as they get in their car," said Charlotte Cosgrove a 20-year-old undergraduate student involved in the study. "There are outliers, but our revelation was the discovery of four main categories of annoying people exiting the coffee shop. There are the self-important assholes with a main character syndrome, exhausted people with a worrying dependance on caffeine, young kids that have no clue how hard the world is, and those folks that just shouldn't be that cheery," said co-author and 25-year-old graduate student Ryan Fitzpatrick adding that the people on their phone with it wedged between their shoulder and ear the entire visit are a particularly annoying sub-variant of the self-important asshole.
Other types of people the study found were particularly annoying were the morons listening to music without headphones, idiots that can’t figure out the self-checkout, jerks that should not be on the phone right now, and children.